One of the midnights

It's midnight, tired but still wanna stay awake cause feel like wanna write something here...

This midnight is just another midnight for me, i have stay awake till 3 am before sleep for like 6 months, the final stage for me on erasing memories and emotional of previous her and put most of my radar offline on scanning people, creating a on off button on the radar rather than auto pilot mode, almost completed, and it's working very well so far, i just need to reach 99% then is enough, i keep that 1% for the future for friendship purpose instead of total wipe out, preparing the day i gonna meet her for quite a long time as a friend, if my calculation is right, that will happen before end of 2015 and we will meet each other quite often, i really hope we stay at friend zone forever and my memories stay dead locked, the probability is getting higher when i done something that is not purposely lead myself to that path of meeting her, is the chance and balance of probability that lead me there, whatever la, final stage is almost complete...

About the tall her, she is hunting job on singapore, wish her good luck and really hope she find a job there and stay there, wanna stay away from her, maybe i should pull some strings on helping her on that but i got my own society reputation to take care, somehow i don't trust her on this area, she is a tough girl, can handle many challenge, but not that, whatever la, none of my business, i will just ask GTR or AVENTADOR to be my spouse in future, that's the " key " to my happiness, fillet always make me smile too, hahahaha, training myself to have a forever alone life style, what about my wealth in the future? will just donate all my stuff to an organisation or individual i trust the most...

Alright, wanna sleep now, Ang Yow out...

The 25th

I am entering the 25th year of breathing the air of earth, of course some of the contamination from outer space that might cause all the flu problem and the begining of life on earth, i wonder...

I am not a guy that like party very much, i like to hide myself on a corner to observe and think something that is useful for me but not that useful for others, observe is my entertainment althought my brain power is heavily reduced due to a experiment i done to myself, tomorrow will start the healing process, in order to recover that...

Been a long time didn't write something here so i decide to weite something on this quite special day in my life, i really not sure whether i still can breathe for the next 25 years because the earth is in peril and i can't do anything about it because i am not that smart, yet...

So let's talk about her, i always like to talk about her, the tall her of course, received her wish on this morning that close to 12pm while i am still sleeping and lazy to reply her, i am quite happy about it, i should happy about it since the girl i like texted me but, haiz, just can't, sometimes i really not sure which zone i am now but i choose to stay at friend zone first, i guess a special girl like her doesn't think like the ordinary girl, althought she watched korean dramas which i have a file of opinions about girls who watch it, but i guess she just watch for passing time instead of obsess about it althought i got some doubt, i once step into this dangerous activity to try to understand what's the point of watching those drama and the chemical reaction inside the body when watching it, emotional changes and long term brain damage effects i mean, well, there are some dramas that worth watching, not all the dramas in the world may cause brain damage, actually you can see the pattern yourself next time, do the observation yourself, people who watch korean dramas constantly can't really think  well about their future unless they are already in smart mode and those dramas is another exploration  and adventures, another obvious stuff is their eye, can't focus well, a sign of laziness as well, so the  chain reaction is, they intend to act like them, which is very wrong to me, lol...

Back to her. Actually wanna ask her out for a movie today but i guess the answer will be usually a no from her althought last time when i asked she gave me a 50/50 answer, which is very diplomatic and nice touch, she is good on deduction on certain field, i know her quite well, know what she wants, what she need, frankly, i am a guy who took a relationship seriously, i am not do confidence that whether i can take care of her very well or not if i successfully bond to her, i never think how to bond with her, this question is out of my thinking because that's not the point of a relationship, the very question to ask is, it is worth it? I keep asking myself about this question whenever i thinking to bond with her, for the previous failure, i learned a lot and gain many new equations on calculating time span of a relationship, last time was a gigantic failure in my life so far, i spoilt her too far and lost mutual balance thus get myself doom at the end althought i have some touches to accelerate the  process of the failure and eventually made it happened, i have expected it...

Oh ya, the tall her, is she worth that price i have to pay with my life? Still thinking about it, but for now, i keep her as a friend but in mind is my official gf but cannot have physical contact because i honour the ancient code of chinese, a man should never simply touch a woman no matter what unless she is your spouse or she is your gf, (that's why i repel girl automatically when they are too close in distance to me, and avoiding dancing) just to have a enjoyment on my imagination as my gf, just to satisfied my emotional and psychology need to alter some chemical reaction inside my body so that i can stay single and loyal at the same time, that's how i counter loneliness all the time without feeling loneliness, sounds like i am crazy and a bit abnormal huh, but i have to learn that because the previous relationship is long distance, i use that formula to preserve my love to her without any deterioration after meet girls that more beautiful than her, smarter than her, taller than her, more understanding me than her, more hotter than her, can communicate with me better than her along the  way, just for now, i use the very same formula to keep myself out of any relationship other than the  probability of the tall her, i am still waiting a sign if there is a sign from her, lol...

Too much her in this post, back to myself, hmmm, so, my 25th year of my body and mind, feel so  stupid about myself because still haven't complete any accomplishment that i planned at my 19th year, haiz, but will start to make change on that, like tomorrow, i think it's time to get back to myself, execute my master plan, eliminate some people in the process that block my way, i think i am ready to transform, we shall see...

Alright, i would wish myself a wisdomly birthday instead of happy birthday because happy can't stay forever or last long, you need to constantly create something to stay happy, but wisdom is what i prefer more because it last forever...

So lastly, my wishes for my 25th birthday? Stay single until the sign appear, get smarter 2 times over before reaching 26th, build up a sustainable income sources so that i can continue to get wasted with futsal all the time around the states of malaysia, get my chest a half B, complete the 6 minutes short video clip i planned years ago, don't see her face althought my deduction says we will meet each other some time around november, damn, i wish i am wrong on that, get myself 62 kg ( currently 57 kg ) , win the 22 million lottery, i promise will make a fine dinner to those who read my boring blog and still yc with me and talk universe and football, make the back flip video, i think i am writing target more than wish, lol, my final wish? Success on the business i am about to get serious... Me gusta !

MH 370

Been a while i was away from blog, busy with my master plan of something, well, of course is not chasing her, i had wish to be single for 2014 remember? Yes i fancy her but i will stay single, why? Because i choose to, i really think both us is kinda have fate on each other but her respond for my action tells another although i think it's something else, anyway, i stop to go after although i still fancy her just to prevent something, if we really fate to each other, we will meet on the place i never expected, somehow i had a dream about her, not entirely about her, i actually went in her house and meet her father and we talk about his daughter which is the tall her, i still can remember the context and thenhouse decoration that made up randomly in my mind is kinda like inception or there are really someone try to plant some taught in my mind or the mind plant itself, it's possible you know? The mind itself mess up with itself due to unstable hormon fluctuation plus the multi frequency of brain wave in the whole universe, fate is just a set of probability of chance, but it's still creepy enough...

So, the hottest topic so far in 2014 is MH370, the missing flight incident, somehow the Prime Minister of Malaysia confirmed the plane crashed on somewhere around indian ocean lately yesterday which i really seriously doubt about that fact, haiz, the conspiracy is too deep and dangerous for me to write it here so i would just say, never trust those mainstream fact and the minor fact as well, try target those fact that doesn't get your attention at all, that's the path to seek the truth of this incident, well, for me, it's either a true plane crash that purely is accident or a truely remarkable planned conspiracy, i wonder what would Sherlock say...

Nowadays my mind is full power on thinking when come to late night, wanna hunt some knowledge or wisdom before go to sleep or will rather stay awake to understand the wormhole stuff and teleportation plus the time travel stuff, i really think energy can be created out of something although some genius scientist said no for a long time ago...

Double valentine's day

2014 chinese new year is officially come to an end, a good end, this year is very special, the last day of chinese new year is also known as 元宵节 chinese which is eastern valentine's day, and it fall on the same day as the western valentine's day,  a double shot, which is a good news for the men because save money for the celebration, hahahaha, just saying...

My friend Lay Boon choose that day which is yesterday according to the date and time now to engage with his girlfriend, it a official registeration to the malaysia government and the marriage is protected under law of Malaysia and they will become legal husband and wife, i was there with them but actually i am more enjoying to stay with the tall her, i ask her to go together with me to witness their engagement too, and she did follow me go, quite surprise that she willing to go with me to participate this event, i didn't think too much although i wanted to, hehe...

It's a good scene there, watching them have been together for like 7 or 8 years, they are one of the longest timed couple among my friends, then later at the night, i recieve one message from another friend inviting me go to his elder brother's wedding dinner at march, that surprised me, i never see that coming, the biggest chance are, that girl is pregnanted and they are forced to get married, that's my best guess because according to my calculation about the factors like their relationship foundation, local culture, friends influnce, personality, family background, their history, their mindset about love, their thinking about the future, daily routine, natural and human disasters, crisis, how they treat people, how they speak, their movement, job, strangers, house location, hobby, topic they usually talk about, food they eat, health condition, place they traveled, internet speed, sleeping time, well, these are the factors i take and put it together to see the big picture for the prediction, that guess will be the only reason, i will see whether my prediction is right or not when i meet his younger bro and ask him, hehe...

Well, honestly, i fancy the tall her but i have my concern, every time when i want to approach her, i have some fear inside me that draw me backward, i like to be with ber, she is the second girl so far i meet can make my mind go offline and get into a relax mode, actually she is the first one to able to do that on me, the second one is my ex, because i feel this for the first time when i meet her at secondary school, my ex is afterward and the rest is history, i want to have a new chapter of my life with her but she seems have some of her concern too, ya i know i am short which i try very hard to substitute that with wisdom and knowledge plus public relationship to let her feel safe mentally with me if it works, in other words, make myself clever, lol...

Anyway, she have some dumb side i have to deal with if we are together, i can easily tolerate that well i think since my ex trained me well, haiz, i have some opinion about girls, for me, girls are all dumb, but somehow they are bery good in control the boys, hahahahaha, no offence although it is, lol...

Haiz, whatever la, time to sleep, i must say, it's the best valentine's day i had so far, be with the tall her, no need to worry about whether she will get mad or whatever bad stuff happen on me, even still single and we are not couple, but it's the best i ever had so far, i yc with her whole noon and we are happy about the conversation we had, fetch her back to her house, bring her go buy some fish that can't be eat before fetch her back, a very enjoyable day which i wanted to have that truly relaxing feel long time ago which i never had before, i will cherish this memory well and keep it in one of my best moments in my life forever, i wish i will have a better one with her, i believe i will have it in future like 2 months time maybe, hahahaha, bad habbit happen again, lol...

What a night

Been a quite terrible night i have tonight, suddenly some of my hormons get wrong and access my old memory and i saw her again and in that dream, we are back together, again, haiz, now i mess up my own mind and heart, can't really fall asleep again, after so long, i still can feel her, shouldn't happen but it happened...

Luckily they primary school classmate gathering she didn't appear, somehow i already took her off of my equation of society movement and flow, so i miscalculate that, really lucky for that, i really afraid to see her again face to face, don't want to mess up my heart again, maybe i love her too deep and still do and i am choosing to run away from her instead of facing her, i made a choice, to let her go, to support her who she want to be with, don't want to see her suffer anymore with me, i can give her nothing...

In movie, love story is written by one person, in real life, it's by 2 people and the script must be protected careful for not letting other people write something on it, if only one side writing without tolerance, the other one will quit someday, but many people don't know, while they are writing their script of their love story, they are writing their script of their own life as well, many relationship fail because they mess up these 2 scripts, because in the love story, it's chapter one for both of them but it's not the first chapter on their script of their life, the script of their life already written for a long time and history is there, it evolve when new chapter begins, if someone write their love story with the pass experience they have, which mean writing love story script on life script instead of start a new book, surely will mess up and eventually fail...

Why it's different? Because life script is only about ownself but love story is about 2 people, to let the love story last long, tolerance and trust is the most important ingredients, if you lost that 2, i can personally asure you, you will fail soon enough, sometimes relationship is science too, constantly doing experiment to know each other well, record down those good and bad result so in future you know which one you can repeat which one not...

Love is just a chemistry reaction going on in our body and put emotional ahead of logical, that's why people do crazy stuff for love, included me, i think my DNA is coded to love one person only in my entire life and stay at there no matter how, it's a good thing if still together because i am a very loyal guy but guess i have to move on instead of keep imaginating something that will never happen because i have calculate the probability, the answer is zero chance...

I guess she now live happily without me, i am a terrible boyfriend, i still believe i made the right choice that day althought that choice is never my choice, wish that boy take good care of her which i never do it well at all...

developement

It's been years i have stop learning about fringe science, i think now is a good time to continue it back, i like strange idea about science because for me, the only limit of science is human thinking, so if we talk about developement, doesn't matter is it you are from financial field, science field, art field, sports field, cheat field or any other field, it's the same, you have to develope your thinking before you start to develope any skills, ability or create something new, it all start from thinking, our very mind...

human brain is a very incredible machine, until now, after thousands of years human try so hard to understand our own body, until now, year 2014, we still can't reach the second percentage of the total hundred and hardly pass the first, and yet, i found that brain is a very incredible organ because we are the only thing that can think and create, do you think so? hahahaha, i don't think so, you see, every living things include the plants have their own mind, in cell, we got nuclues which control activities of the whole cell, and our major thinking center is our brain, so, i call it brain of brains, because sometimes we experience some disorder, i repeat, DISORDER, the organ just disobey the command from the center and start to have mind of it's own, results? chaos, why? because we always give them command they don't really want, as a protection of it's own survival, it just cut off the connection to the center, is it possible? could be, i never say i am right but it's logical sound...

now, let us see the bigger picture to understand what i try to say, in society, each single human as a cell and the leaders in the society is the brain that control almost all of us, at least our living pattern, and we as cell, we fight for our own survival under their control, we can't really do whatever we wanted to such as buy a car without paying anything, there is always a price for something you want, it's just a matter of more or less, when our leaders that we try very hard to follow become insane in our point of view, we started to disobey little by little, this is why knowledge need to be control or else, it's disaster, it will poison that person, great people afraid of what they can do while average people afraid of what they can't do, after all, who will constantly have a open mind that try to think the possibility of everything? their mind is too close to harvest any new thinking, they just can't accept because they think it's crazy, yes, try to think the follow question, the sun come out from the east or the west? neither, sun don't move but earth is, people are mostly concentrate on common sense, yes, common one, while i try to develope advance sense for my mind, sometimes i feel regret that i try to make myself stupid when i am form 2 because i can't control this knowledge well, most of the time i am worry i will misuse it because i know i am a bad person back there because i hardly can control the devil inside me, after years of learning and practising on controling my emotional by learning a lot of philosophy of being a good human being, thanks to my teacher and mentor i meet in SOONYE by chance and small probability, i appreciate his teaching a lot, so now i think it's a good time to continue my developement, learn to calculate and estimate, expand my data base and new thinking...

without a mature thinking, systems of thinking is fate to be fail, when thinking fail, life fail, well, it depends how you define a fail life, for me, if you don't know the purpose to live on this world, it's a fail life, my purpose of living? develope a technology that can help all mankind and try to find the answer of almost every scientist want to know, ARE WE ALONE IN THIS UNIVERSE? somebody's purpose could be finding a true love (by the way, i want to say, finding a love is never a hard case but true love is), become a successful human being and be remembered by the history, be the richest man on earth, best fighter, hack all the computer in the world and left a water mark on every program to show how great he is on software but it never jeopardise or crash the software, you see, it's a long list, you can try to think like this to know what's your pupose of your life, think if today is your last day, what you try to leave behind? well, that could be the purpose of your life, if you don't have a idea at all, i suggest you better find one now, live a perfect life without working, yes, it's a purpose as well, but first, you need to define what's a perfect life and not working, well, of course we are not alone, we got bacteria and viruses from outer space, this is why all the life form on earth is constantly in danger, teenagers nowsaday didn't really realize that our life can be vanish in a split second, yes, you can say why should we worry about that since if it's unavoidable? why, what i try to say is, why don't we start to cherish our life, be nice, do something useful and stop complaining? let me tell you why next time, the formula of stupid, psychology behind it and of course, conspiracy...

well, enlight me if you got better idea and knowledge or disagree my point of view, i willing to listen because i willing to improve, thank you :-)

2013

It's 2.30am late night and i am not satisfied without writing something down before i go to sleep, 2013 is going to end soon and i look back of myself these few days to evaluate myself, well, i rate it 70 points out of 100 in total...

The most exciting moment in 2013? Of course is meeting the Tall Her twice face to face and talk with each other, well, my heart still got a bit like her but somehow my mind just don't approve me to chase after her when the incident that may occur someday after 2 or 3 years from now, i don't feel comfortable and secure about it so i call off the chase, she is a good girl but i don't think she is the one for me, anyway, it's a good thing to know her and we meet each other after years of mystery, she is a smart girl, hahahaha, she can't speak truth quite well, can't blame her because she got something deep inside her heart dragging her, haiz, poor girl, if i am her bf, i will help her to unbreak it but for now, we are just normal friend and i intent to maintain myself in friend zone, so, none of my business about that, hehe...

Worst thing in 2013? Could be i am still in single, hahahaha, even my friend kok wai that funny guy also got himself a beautiful lover, i am still single, i think among my old friends, i am the only one who still in single, few of them even get engaged and will run the wedding ceremony and dinner as well, while me? Haven't start any relationship yet, honestly, i am thinking about keep myself single for the rest of my life, when i discuss this to some of my friends, they all ask me the same question, won't you feel lonely? Hmmm... Sometimes yeah, watching other couple stick to each other happily really make me feel a bit lonely because i know what's the feel of having a lover that use to love me as well, haiz, too bad i made a bad call and lost the relationship in the process which i had to because i got no choice...

Gay? Don't worry, no matter how lonely i feel, i won't convert to gay, this i can assure you, hahahaha, well, i got my own way to deal with my time when i am alone while others busy stick to their lovers, luckily i am a guy who likes to collect stuff and i can spend whole day just to enjoy part of my collection, stamps i collect is enough to use up my whole day, haven't include metalworks i collected, computer games will be a great help as well in this War Of Lonely, i must say thank you to whoever invented computer games and console games, when i get old, i will go to temple oftenly because i enjoy peaceful and silent place, might become philanthropist since i got good wealth because i am alone and no inheritors... Ah ha! Luckily i am curious about many thing in this planet, i can do a lot of scientific research since i am alone and no one bother me at all plus i don't have to take care of someone other than myself, well, that's the plan for my life so far, who knows i meet someone that i willing to change my plan? Hahahaha... We shall see then...

Today when playing football as usual, i get my first major injured on my leg for the first time in 2013 and also in my football career in my life so far, and i am participating a tournament 2 days later, wah, really challenging, i think those injured is a punish for what i speak recently with my old friends is not that "clean" ... Trollolol...

I just got 2 wishes for entire 2014, don't fall in love with someone, i have made it in 2013 but almost break it when meet the Tall Her, second is the business i do can help a lot of people to chase after their dreams, earning money or not is not inportant to me anymore since i am planning alone for the rest of my life, wealth will be a tool for me to help people who need it more than me in future, and one more, i wish i won't see her appear in front of me out of no where because i scare of meeting her again, A Mi Tor Fuo !