2013

It's 2.30am late night and i am not satisfied without writing something down before i go to sleep, 2013 is going to end soon and i look back of myself these few days to evaluate myself, well, i rate it 70 points out of 100 in total...

The most exciting moment in 2013? Of course is meeting the Tall Her twice face to face and talk with each other, well, my heart still got a bit like her but somehow my mind just don't approve me to chase after her when the incident that may occur someday after 2 or 3 years from now, i don't feel comfortable and secure about it so i call off the chase, she is a good girl but i don't think she is the one for me, anyway, it's a good thing to know her and we meet each other after years of mystery, she is a smart girl, hahahaha, she can't speak truth quite well, can't blame her because she got something deep inside her heart dragging her, haiz, poor girl, if i am her bf, i will help her to unbreak it but for now, we are just normal friend and i intent to maintain myself in friend zone, so, none of my business about that, hehe...

Worst thing in 2013? Could be i am still in single, hahahaha, even my friend kok wai that funny guy also got himself a beautiful lover, i am still single, i think among my old friends, i am the only one who still in single, few of them even get engaged and will run the wedding ceremony and dinner as well, while me? Haven't start any relationship yet, honestly, i am thinking about keep myself single for the rest of my life, when i discuss this to some of my friends, they all ask me the same question, won't you feel lonely? Hmmm... Sometimes yeah, watching other couple stick to each other happily really make me feel a bit lonely because i know what's the feel of having a lover that use to love me as well, haiz, too bad i made a bad call and lost the relationship in the process which i had to because i got no choice...

Gay? Don't worry, no matter how lonely i feel, i won't convert to gay, this i can assure you, hahahaha, well, i got my own way to deal with my time when i am alone while others busy stick to their lovers, luckily i am a guy who likes to collect stuff and i can spend whole day just to enjoy part of my collection, stamps i collect is enough to use up my whole day, haven't include metalworks i collected, computer games will be a great help as well in this War Of Lonely, i must say thank you to whoever invented computer games and console games, when i get old, i will go to temple oftenly because i enjoy peaceful and silent place, might become philanthropist since i got good wealth because i am alone and no inheritors... Ah ha! Luckily i am curious about many thing in this planet, i can do a lot of scientific research since i am alone and no one bother me at all plus i don't have to take care of someone other than myself, well, that's the plan for my life so far, who knows i meet someone that i willing to change my plan? Hahahaha... We shall see then...

Today when playing football as usual, i get my first major injured on my leg for the first time in 2013 and also in my football career in my life so far, and i am participating a tournament 2 days later, wah, really challenging, i think those injured is a punish for what i speak recently with my old friends is not that "clean" ... Trollolol...

I just got 2 wishes for entire 2014, don't fall in love with someone, i have made it in 2013 but almost break it when meet the Tall Her, second is the business i do can help a lot of people to chase after their dreams, earning money or not is not inportant to me anymore since i am planning alone for the rest of my life, wealth will be a tool for me to help people who need it more than me in future, and one more, i wish i won't see her appear in front of me out of no where because i scare of meeting her again, A Mi Tor Fuo !

Unstable days

These few days after meet her, my heart and emotion become mostly unstable, sometimes feel like we shouldn't meet, she shouldn't contact me at the first place, i shouldn't hope anything happen between us at the first place, now i am making a trouble for myself, it's been a while that a girl can made me that, one is my ex, another one is her, and she is way too earlier than my ex when i have the feelings on her, but, because of her, i improved a lot, if not her, i think i am still a piece of shit, nothing useful, although she never really know me and i know her and like her quite well, i try to improve a lot about myself so that one day she might be with me, that's my thinking back there...

These few days i have been busy calculating about her, the major concern for me about her is she might turn into a type which i deeply worry one, the odd is high, haiz, that is the thing i worry the most, and that is the thing that keep dragging me from go after her...

For me, people who choose business field at the first place got different way of thinking, not everyone but mostly, other than love, money and temptation could make people blind too, so far she said she just want a peaceful and normal life because of variable she having now, the real test haven't challenge her foundation yet, i have pass the test so i never worried about myself, i worry she won't make it throught, well, i can't teach her how to pass it because she is not my gf, i wish i can add a yet, hahahaha, i never share these kind of secret and formula to anyone especially my parents because they will think i am crazy and sot plug, so, good luck to her la, if she is my gf then it will be a different story, i can create many turning points for her to choose so that she can learn from the process and understand and not just keep follow my instruction and restriction, i now possess this ability which i wanted it since i am small, manipulate people to good side without noticing i was the mastermind behind it, whenever i accomplish one target, i feel very satisfying, those people never know it's by design, well, not everytime work out but mostly success, hahahaha, well, my ex is one of my project too, i not sure have it succeed or not but i hope it succeed, i pay a very hard price on that, next time no matter how i will never take that price as an option...

I feel that She know too less about business world, she slowly catching up but when we meet last time, i already gave her a very very useful tip, although i don't have any great achivement in business because i am more on thinker than doer but that thing already help a lot of people from stepping into the dark side of business, compare to science field, business is more likely to join the dark side instead of the true side, that is why we usually saw a lot of business that jeopardize human and world economy than a invention that really harmful to earth at the first place, well, you can say it depends on how you use your intention on your knowledge, gun could protect us and could be harmful at the same time, business too, for so long i study ( outside the business school and the books the college teach me ) i search the real truth of business, just like religion, they seek truth of god, i believe eveything even knowledge have it's truth, in business, i found the truth, haiz, too bad, it's not that positive, so, for me, before you seek truth of anything, you seek the truth of your life first la, what is the thing you want to do and left behind in this life time, for me, help people around me with my knowledge without service charge is what i really want to do in my life :-)

Haiz, my calculation rarely wrong but this time i hope it's wrong, i don't want that happen on her in the future...

Exciting day

It's been a long time i didn't been this excited since few years ago, can't believe i actually and finally meet her and yam cha with her, even until now, i am still nervous when facing her, in fact, even i am still together with my ex, i get little nervous too when i meet her, guess my heart still telling me to go after her and the chemical reaction inside my body still haven't faded yet, but i am loyal to my ex although i still remain some like ingredient on her when we are still together, i know loyalty is important in a relationship, even if she suddenly say she want to be with me, i won't break with my ex to be with her also...

what a historical day for me yesterday noon...

Looks like i kena again, now my whole head is all her face and her voice, made me can't sleep, still excited about it, well, she graduated and finished her in-tern and now move between KL and Kuantan quite frequently due to her part time job, she said she haven't know what she want yet but i guess she already know, just still not sure about it only, it's ok for a girl to say that...

We got talk little about my ex and my relationship about her, she actually ask me to keep contact with her and not suppose to cut everything off, somehow she want to know her face, well, i don't encourage her about that for certain of my reason, i try to avoid something, plus i got no reason to keep in touch with her also, not in a million years, but somehow today i saw one of her best friend also yam cha at there and we greet each other, trollolol...

After yesterday's event, now only i know that how she think about me when i try to chase her last time, it's quite akward when we talk about this, she said she want to meet me and want to know more about me since we never meet before, i guess someone encouraged her to meet me privately without any company, we have a nice long talk because we got quite a history to talk, can't believe i can talk freely and more happily because both of us study finance and our thinking system is sync on most of the part, but we talk a lot about last time how i chase her, really weird but we ok about it, maybe she is giving her chance to know more about me and maybe to give me chance because she finished her study and maybe may can fall into a relationship with someone but still in choosing stage, she is very surprise that i know many many things of her and something that she didn't even realise, she once live in a cave, i don't blame her, i just blame i am not smart enough to build a contact bridge between us, yesterday could be my happiess day in 2013, i shall always remember it...

Well, of course i still like her and even have the intension to go after her but i still have some doubt that need to clear, i try to lure her subconcious out by talking to her about certain things to make sure something, and she pass, she is a good girl, just got some flaw but i can accept and tolerate, anyway, she still fresh about me, need to give her time to know more about me as a friend first, it's good to have her as a friend although i want more than that, well, i don't want to think too much since we just officially meet each other, too bad we didn't take photo together but i think that's better, if not i won't be able to sleep whole night while i need it to prepare tomorrow morning futsal match...

I still got a lot of surprise to her, yo, u just wait and see...

It's good to meet you back, really :-)

Poor guy

I know this friend few years ago from a state that culture is a lot different from the state i born, there is a weird fenomena in that state, people there seems like to blame and talk a lot more than change in order to get better, haiz, culture is not good, when i first meet this friend, i told him change is more important than blaming, if blaming make things better, i would have done the same, he agree with me and start changing, i bring him to a environment to learn positive stuff and let him have a bunch of positive thinking friends, he really start to change, a good turning point in his life, after a period of time, people attracted by his changes, one of them from the girls side even want him to be his boyfriend, that girl actually make all the move and get him, when i go his place to meet him, he bring along his gf to yc with me, he say she got some problem and hope me can inspire her like i inspire him last time, i say ok, but when i meet her, i straight away calculated one day this girl will drag him down so much until he may not able to stand again, time proved i am right, now this guy everyday just playing computer game and doing ordinary job... Haiz...

All the variable i get no one thing is good, you tell me how can they have bright future? Now that girl even jeopardise some of my friends become negative like her, you can see how much negative force she possess, life is about choice, not fate, she choose to be negative and blaming all the time instead of choosing change, i didn't blame her for jeopardise some friendship with some friends because people like her will live a bad bad life, people who negative like her don't need a punishment because she herself is punishing herself, in art of war, we call it 不攻自破, she not just jeopardise her relationship, friendship, chances, but her future as well, anyway, the boy she drag originally is a lazy and playful boy, that boy is quite a slick as well, many times he try to say something not true to me, many times i know but didn't kantoi him because he is my friend and i hope he turn back and change, i start to cheat people since i am standard one, i train myself to cheat since standard one, but now i use this ability to protect myself and my friend that around me instead of go cheat people again because, trust me, cheating people is a life time process and tiring, it will crush you, so i choose to be honest when i understand this point, so, he try to cheat me, he think i am stupid enough for him to cheat, lol, good tries, i have my own formula to check whether you are cheating me or not, come on man, stop humilating yourself, stop blaming and start a new begining la you, wake up la you, you can cheat how long? You are lucky to have me as friend, if give others, they won't find you anymore, i still see something good in your heart and it remains there, just you hide it and don't want to explore it, life is yours, future is yours, your choice...

Haunted pass

Well, i have tell the girl i like that i like her, her respond is negative to me, somehow i have release myself because i have my shot, actually i quite fear to start another relationship due to last bad experience i had, somehow this time when i saw her again, after i observe one thing specificaly, i get another variable on my calculation about our relationship, if we had one, it doesn't have a good future, much of the branches lead to bad stuff, believe me, we do crazy things for love, i actually didn't put that new data into the calculation before i try to start a relationship with her, but when i get back my concious, logic mind runs again, and it's not good, well, for me she is a good girl, i got my own theory for all girls, every girl have their bad side and bad personality, no one is perfect, bad personality or bad side is a risk, if you can handle the risk, then you go for her and blame nothing because you chose her as the one you love

I always remember there is one time when i have a quarel with my ex, she scolded me : i am like this ! Whether you like it or not, i am like this ! Don't forget you are the one who choose me to be with !... I straight away shut up and let her win, she educate me well at that quarel, she got the most important point of our relationship, she always win in a arguement unless i purposely want to win let make her get furious about me so that she hate me at our breaking point and won't miss me and trust me at all after our break...

As i said, bad personality is part of the relationship, so don't blame your gf since you have chose her, that black horse is good but the risk i don't want to handle, so, good also, she said i am not her type, but she is my type anyway, trollolol...

Good, i can celebrate my 3rd anniversary of single life and i am enjoy it well, somehow got a relative want to intro me a japanese girl which she is 21 years old and study law, hmmm, variable is good but i got huge opinion about japanese culture, so i take it as a joke to kena me for being single, hahahaha

Really hope all the couple in the world have a wonderful relationship and always take care each other's heart and feeling, and most important is accept their bad personality to tolerate your love one, don't learn me and repeat my failure, i didn't tolerate her well, and cost me a break up at the end of the chain reaction, anyway, past is past, have to look forward, still searching the one that worth my effort to protect her and love her for the rest of my life, if not, i will stay single for the rest of my life...

Late night

It's late night now and i quite a long time no write something so i decide to write something before i go sleep, it's fun to write blog with my pad, hahahaha...

Just finish playing late night futsal with new gang of players, they are good and can improve a lot more, noon go yam cha with a friend that we use to play football as well together at secondary school life, he is going to taiwan tomorrow, well, u can say later early morning, his flight is 10 morning something by air asia, hahahahaha, he will feel what i feel last time where cinema seat is far more better than air asia seat, anyway, we didn't pay a lot so i guess it's fair for both side...

Recently thinking about staying single for another 2 years, feel like single is good, althought many times i envy those nice couple and wanna have a gf of my own too but just no heart to chase one, my heart actually got a few candidates, one is too far from me and age quite far from me, another one is at university but i don't think we will fit together, another one is good but not that mature, haiz, so far i only want that one to be my gf but i think age is quite a problem for both of us plus she might not accept me, even we already are couple, i will ask her to stay focus on her study first because she still got a long way on her standard education journey, what i can do is prepare my financial power so that next time when she reach college i can stay at her side all the time, like i planned for my ex but i failed, actually i didn't really fail, if we are still together, i am pretty sure my plans are working now, whatever la, it's not important anymore...

U know what, i actually had a vision on my previous relationship, i once read a horoscope article about virgo and taurus which is me and her, they said if we splited, we will get back together and stick for a long time, i actually believe that will happen and it did happen, just didn't last long, haiz, now every relative of mine asking about her where about at this chinese new year, make me quite pai seh about it, we actually talk about her for half an hour, unbelieveable, they actually miss her, trollolol, really trolling me...

I still miss her, sometimes, she still occupied some part of my heart, but i hope my efforts still working, as long as she feels i am annoying , break promise, useless and untrustable, then ok already, just wanna prevent something, i think she will never solve the puzzle and i hope she never will althought 10 % of my will say disagree, anyway, i think she already own a good bf which can give her what she want and live happily because girls like her don't stay single for long one, boys like me usually are in forever alone club one, hahahaha, i can leave that group anytime if i want to but i just don't have a strong will to leave that club, trollolol...

doomsday

since the movie 2012 came out, people start to talk about it whether it's true or not, in fact, even it's true, damn NASA also won't tell us because we human is too stupid and don't have the maturity to handle this kind of en of the world disaster, we propably kill among ourselve before the end really come if NASA confirm about it, i agree with what NASA do if they really hiding it, i rather be cheated also don't want to countdown my death, that's very disturbing...

just now go da bao chicken rice at bukit sekilau there, heard a bunch of uncles talking about doomsday, they actually talk stuff about planet and stars, i am very happy about it, people at least know something about this universe, not just full of gossips about other uncle and auntie or kids. well, i have theory of my own about 21st of december 2012 aka doomsday...

2012 this movie come out at year 2009, this movie really disturbing when i first watch it, very nice CG they have in the movie, very realistic and logic as well, they build ark instead of space ship that we human don't really have that tech to support millions of us, even now the space center above our earth own by USA just manage to support a few crew, qualify one, i mean u need a lot of skill and knowledge to survive in space, not just guts or will to live, first of all, people who lazy to excercise confirm mati at there because our bone mass and muscle mass decay day by day graduately due to no gravity at all, astronaut have to excercise 2 hours per day just to keep their bone mass and muscle mass in standard and keep them alive, about the ark, it's buildable, our technology is more than enough to build it and we don't really need to care much to survive at there, a group of engineer at engine room and a large group of admin would do the job, can't believe we human actually experience the story of Noah, again, just this time we fill up a lot of human instead of a pair of every species to breed after the doomsday...

about the super volcano in the yellow stone park near the disneyland at USA, it's a really big volcano, in fact, it's the largest of all time, lucky for us, it's a sleeping one, if it really erupts, trust me, it's more nasty than in the movie one, it's a lot bigger than it because the diameter of the center of the volcano is over 10km ! my goodness, half of the USA will wipe by it's ashes, human that don't have good mask will kill by it, a few inhale of the ashes is enough to kill you...

whether it's true or not, i actually quite annoyed and quite worry about it, worry 2 scenario, the first one is i don't survive it and another one is i survive it, let's talk about the first one, i didn't survive it, if i didn't survive it, i will regret that i got many things haven't do yet, especially i don't satisfied with the food i ate so far, i want to eat a medium well fillet before i die, mint chocolate ice cream, finest red wine on earth, scalops for my appetizer, and many more which i can't list them out, there is nothing i can do anymore if it's real but for the second one, if i survive? hahahahaha ! then i got a lot of stuff to do...

if i survive, of course i have to think how to continue to survive, luckily for me, i have it all in my mind, but my friend Max have his point, he said:" we don't know the form of the doomsday, whether is earthquake and large tsunamy aka tidal wave like in the movie "2012", sun ray like in the movie " Knowing", ice age like the movie "the day after tomorrow", nuclear melt down like the movie "terminator - judgement day", the day the earth stood still for 3 days like what the rumors say (i don't think this donna happen because this involve gravity and the whole gravitational system in solar system, i don't think a sudden decay of gravity due to an unknown reason, unless some idiot blow up a really huge bomb then it might happen but i don't think so because it already blow up before it reach the core) , virus breakout like the "resident evil" or some future machine take over the planet...

let's say i survive all of it, first thing first, i need to find food source, water source and power source, this is why we need to make a lot of friends so that we could stick together to survive, after the doomsday, the most important thing is knowledge, knowledge to produce electricity, deal with the wild animals, after all of the stuff is settle down, the next thing is gather up other colony to build a strong hold to prevent the great treat, samseng, sometimes you have to believe if the good survive, bad stuff survive too, so, the next thing is i have to make a visit to the countries army force base, in my country we call them TDDM, collect some weapons and artilery force and if can, we take the tanks as well, hahahahaha ! i have some construction exeperience that may help me build a strong bunker to survive a bazooka, sometimes you have to believe if we can think of getting weapon from those place, someone will too, so, we have to prepare ourselve, the problem of the samseng i think is food and water, after that, if peace is possible, then i will start traveling around, first place would be KL, why? i want to drive lamborghini la, since it's free and petrol is free also, it's kinda waste if didn't own one, hahahahaha ! of course, bugatti if can because malaysia don't have many, so far i know just got 1 bugatti veyron 16.4 only, next thing is search for a guy that know to drive, i mean fly the big bird, because i want to fly to USA to take something from the NASA and MIT, there got some great stuff for me to run my experiment of sustainable energy source...

hahahahaha, of course, another must thing i have to do is faster to to the sport's shop to take some high quality football to play, have my own stadium to play with my friends if they survive too, hahahaha !