The 25th

I am entering the 25th year of breathing the air of earth, of course some of the contamination from outer space that might cause all the flu problem and the begining of life on earth, i wonder...

I am not a guy that like party very much, i like to hide myself on a corner to observe and think something that is useful for me but not that useful for others, observe is my entertainment althought my brain power is heavily reduced due to a experiment i done to myself, tomorrow will start the healing process, in order to recover that...

Been a long time didn't write something here so i decide to weite something on this quite special day in my life, i really not sure whether i still can breathe for the next 25 years because the earth is in peril and i can't do anything about it because i am not that smart, yet...

So let's talk about her, i always like to talk about her, the tall her of course, received her wish on this morning that close to 12pm while i am still sleeping and lazy to reply her, i am quite happy about it, i should happy about it since the girl i like texted me but, haiz, just can't, sometimes i really not sure which zone i am now but i choose to stay at friend zone first, i guess a special girl like her doesn't think like the ordinary girl, althought she watched korean dramas which i have a file of opinions about girls who watch it, but i guess she just watch for passing time instead of obsess about it althought i got some doubt, i once step into this dangerous activity to try to understand what's the point of watching those drama and the chemical reaction inside the body when watching it, emotional changes and long term brain damage effects i mean, well, there are some dramas that worth watching, not all the dramas in the world may cause brain damage, actually you can see the pattern yourself next time, do the observation yourself, people who watch korean dramas constantly can't really think  well about their future unless they are already in smart mode and those dramas is another exploration  and adventures, another obvious stuff is their eye, can't focus well, a sign of laziness as well, so the  chain reaction is, they intend to act like them, which is very wrong to me, lol...

Back to her. Actually wanna ask her out for a movie today but i guess the answer will be usually a no from her althought last time when i asked she gave me a 50/50 answer, which is very diplomatic and nice touch, she is good on deduction on certain field, i know her quite well, know what she wants, what she need, frankly, i am a guy who took a relationship seriously, i am not do confidence that whether i can take care of her very well or not if i successfully bond to her, i never think how to bond with her, this question is out of my thinking because that's not the point of a relationship, the very question to ask is, it is worth it? I keep asking myself about this question whenever i thinking to bond with her, for the previous failure, i learned a lot and gain many new equations on calculating time span of a relationship, last time was a gigantic failure in my life so far, i spoilt her too far and lost mutual balance thus get myself doom at the end althought i have some touches to accelerate the  process of the failure and eventually made it happened, i have expected it...

Oh ya, the tall her, is she worth that price i have to pay with my life? Still thinking about it, but for now, i keep her as a friend but in mind is my official gf but cannot have physical contact because i honour the ancient code of chinese, a man should never simply touch a woman no matter what unless she is your spouse or she is your gf, (that's why i repel girl automatically when they are too close in distance to me, and avoiding dancing) just to have a enjoyment on my imagination as my gf, just to satisfied my emotional and psychology need to alter some chemical reaction inside my body so that i can stay single and loyal at the same time, that's how i counter loneliness all the time without feeling loneliness, sounds like i am crazy and a bit abnormal huh, but i have to learn that because the previous relationship is long distance, i use that formula to preserve my love to her without any deterioration after meet girls that more beautiful than her, smarter than her, taller than her, more understanding me than her, more hotter than her, can communicate with me better than her along the  way, just for now, i use the very same formula to keep myself out of any relationship other than the  probability of the tall her, i am still waiting a sign if there is a sign from her, lol...

Too much her in this post, back to myself, hmmm, so, my 25th year of my body and mind, feel so  stupid about myself because still haven't complete any accomplishment that i planned at my 19th year, haiz, but will start to make change on that, like tomorrow, i think it's time to get back to myself, execute my master plan, eliminate some people in the process that block my way, i think i am ready to transform, we shall see...

Alright, i would wish myself a wisdomly birthday instead of happy birthday because happy can't stay forever or last long, you need to constantly create something to stay happy, but wisdom is what i prefer more because it last forever...

So lastly, my wishes for my 25th birthday? Stay single until the sign appear, get smarter 2 times over before reaching 26th, build up a sustainable income sources so that i can continue to get wasted with futsal all the time around the states of malaysia, get my chest a half B, complete the 6 minutes short video clip i planned years ago, don't see her face althought my deduction says we will meet each other some time around november, damn, i wish i am wrong on that, get myself 62 kg ( currently 57 kg ) , win the 22 million lottery, i promise will make a fine dinner to those who read my boring blog and still yc with me and talk universe and football, make the back flip video, i think i am writing target more than wish, lol, my final wish? Success on the business i am about to get serious... Me gusta !