Unstable days

These few days after meet her, my heart and emotion become mostly unstable, sometimes feel like we shouldn't meet, she shouldn't contact me at the first place, i shouldn't hope anything happen between us at the first place, now i am making a trouble for myself, it's been a while that a girl can made me that, one is my ex, another one is her, and she is way too earlier than my ex when i have the feelings on her, but, because of her, i improved a lot, if not her, i think i am still a piece of shit, nothing useful, although she never really know me and i know her and like her quite well, i try to improve a lot about myself so that one day she might be with me, that's my thinking back there...

These few days i have been busy calculating about her, the major concern for me about her is she might turn into a type which i deeply worry one, the odd is high, haiz, that is the thing i worry the most, and that is the thing that keep dragging me from go after her...

For me, people who choose business field at the first place got different way of thinking, not everyone but mostly, other than love, money and temptation could make people blind too, so far she said she just want a peaceful and normal life because of variable she having now, the real test haven't challenge her foundation yet, i have pass the test so i never worried about myself, i worry she won't make it throught, well, i can't teach her how to pass it because she is not my gf, i wish i can add a yet, hahahaha, i never share these kind of secret and formula to anyone especially my parents because they will think i am crazy and sot plug, so, good luck to her la, if she is my gf then it will be a different story, i can create many turning points for her to choose so that she can learn from the process and understand and not just keep follow my instruction and restriction, i now possess this ability which i wanted it since i am small, manipulate people to good side without noticing i was the mastermind behind it, whenever i accomplish one target, i feel very satisfying, those people never know it's by design, well, not everytime work out but mostly success, hahahaha, well, my ex is one of my project too, i not sure have it succeed or not but i hope it succeed, i pay a very hard price on that, next time no matter how i will never take that price as an option...

I feel that She know too less about business world, she slowly catching up but when we meet last time, i already gave her a very very useful tip, although i don't have any great achivement in business because i am more on thinker than doer but that thing already help a lot of people from stepping into the dark side of business, compare to science field, business is more likely to join the dark side instead of the true side, that is why we usually saw a lot of business that jeopardize human and world economy than a invention that really harmful to earth at the first place, well, you can say it depends on how you use your intention on your knowledge, gun could protect us and could be harmful at the same time, business too, for so long i study ( outside the business school and the books the college teach me ) i search the real truth of business, just like religion, they seek truth of god, i believe eveything even knowledge have it's truth, in business, i found the truth, haiz, too bad, it's not that positive, so, for me, before you seek truth of anything, you seek the truth of your life first la, what is the thing you want to do and left behind in this life time, for me, help people around me with my knowledge without service charge is what i really want to do in my life :-)

Haiz, my calculation rarely wrong but this time i hope it's wrong, i don't want that happen on her in the future...

Exciting day

It's been a long time i didn't been this excited since few years ago, can't believe i actually and finally meet her and yam cha with her, even until now, i am still nervous when facing her, in fact, even i am still together with my ex, i get little nervous too when i meet her, guess my heart still telling me to go after her and the chemical reaction inside my body still haven't faded yet, but i am loyal to my ex although i still remain some like ingredient on her when we are still together, i know loyalty is important in a relationship, even if she suddenly say she want to be with me, i won't break with my ex to be with her also...

what a historical day for me yesterday noon...

Looks like i kena again, now my whole head is all her face and her voice, made me can't sleep, still excited about it, well, she graduated and finished her in-tern and now move between KL and Kuantan quite frequently due to her part time job, she said she haven't know what she want yet but i guess she already know, just still not sure about it only, it's ok for a girl to say that...

We got talk little about my ex and my relationship about her, she actually ask me to keep contact with her and not suppose to cut everything off, somehow she want to know her face, well, i don't encourage her about that for certain of my reason, i try to avoid something, plus i got no reason to keep in touch with her also, not in a million years, but somehow today i saw one of her best friend also yam cha at there and we greet each other, trollolol...

After yesterday's event, now only i know that how she think about me when i try to chase her last time, it's quite akward when we talk about this, she said she want to meet me and want to know more about me since we never meet before, i guess someone encouraged her to meet me privately without any company, we have a nice long talk because we got quite a history to talk, can't believe i can talk freely and more happily because both of us study finance and our thinking system is sync on most of the part, but we talk a lot about last time how i chase her, really weird but we ok about it, maybe she is giving her chance to know more about me and maybe to give me chance because she finished her study and maybe may can fall into a relationship with someone but still in choosing stage, she is very surprise that i know many many things of her and something that she didn't even realise, she once live in a cave, i don't blame her, i just blame i am not smart enough to build a contact bridge between us, yesterday could be my happiess day in 2013, i shall always remember it...

Well, of course i still like her and even have the intension to go after her but i still have some doubt that need to clear, i try to lure her subconcious out by talking to her about certain things to make sure something, and she pass, she is a good girl, just got some flaw but i can accept and tolerate, anyway, she still fresh about me, need to give her time to know more about me as a friend first, it's good to have her as a friend although i want more than that, well, i don't want to think too much since we just officially meet each other, too bad we didn't take photo together but i think that's better, if not i won't be able to sleep whole night while i need it to prepare tomorrow morning futsal match...

I still got a lot of surprise to her, yo, u just wait and see...

It's good to meet you back, really :-)