What a night

Been a quite terrible night i have tonight, suddenly some of my hormons get wrong and access my old memory and i saw her again and in that dream, we are back together, again, haiz, now i mess up my own mind and heart, can't really fall asleep again, after so long, i still can feel her, shouldn't happen but it happened...

Luckily they primary school classmate gathering she didn't appear, somehow i already took her off of my equation of society movement and flow, so i miscalculate that, really lucky for that, i really afraid to see her again face to face, don't want to mess up my heart again, maybe i love her too deep and still do and i am choosing to run away from her instead of facing her, i made a choice, to let her go, to support her who she want to be with, don't want to see her suffer anymore with me, i can give her nothing...

In movie, love story is written by one person, in real life, it's by 2 people and the script must be protected careful for not letting other people write something on it, if only one side writing without tolerance, the other one will quit someday, but many people don't know, while they are writing their script of their love story, they are writing their script of their own life as well, many relationship fail because they mess up these 2 scripts, because in the love story, it's chapter one for both of them but it's not the first chapter on their script of their life, the script of their life already written for a long time and history is there, it evolve when new chapter begins, if someone write their love story with the pass experience they have, which mean writing love story script on life script instead of start a new book, surely will mess up and eventually fail...

Why it's different? Because life script is only about ownself but love story is about 2 people, to let the love story last long, tolerance and trust is the most important ingredients, if you lost that 2, i can personally asure you, you will fail soon enough, sometimes relationship is science too, constantly doing experiment to know each other well, record down those good and bad result so in future you know which one you can repeat which one not...

Love is just a chemistry reaction going on in our body and put emotional ahead of logical, that's why people do crazy stuff for love, included me, i think my DNA is coded to love one person only in my entire life and stay at there no matter how, it's a good thing if still together because i am a very loyal guy but guess i have to move on instead of keep imaginating something that will never happen because i have calculate the probability, the answer is zero chance...

I guess she now live happily without me, i am a terrible boyfriend, i still believe i made the right choice that day althought that choice is never my choice, wish that boy take good care of her which i never do it well at all...